K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
