I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
