Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You ruined the universe
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
