yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
