Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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