WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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