ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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