1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So many bounce houses so little time
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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