Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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