so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
