you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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