I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I looked at my own cervix.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize