we're blogging at a bar
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
