Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
