He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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