I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
