ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize