can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
