Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
