At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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