Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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