How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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