I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
