census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
