wanna go halves on a baby?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
