wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
