Only a mothe r could love this liver
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
