we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
