I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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