I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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