my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
