How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just threw up on my dentist
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
