Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
