She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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