he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
