What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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