So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I could make wine with my vomit
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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