Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
