i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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