how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
