I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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