Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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