I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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