if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Randomize
