What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
