Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i've created a new STD.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
ok first of all what the fuck
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