The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
