I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
