You're a womanizer and a bitch.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
All the doctor said was why
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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