Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
