I'm jealous of your bromance
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
