brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
