Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
