We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He did a backflip because drugs
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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