and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
