I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
