you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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