what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
