hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
