i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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