Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
