I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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