I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
