haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
