I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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