I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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