After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
