proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
