ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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