my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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