The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
