just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
