don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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