My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
