Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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