i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
