im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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