Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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