Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
