I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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