i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
