Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Damn victory sex feels great
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
