I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I intend to get homeless drunk
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
