Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
