I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
