I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
