Betty ford says i'm here all night
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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