Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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