His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
