Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
