I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
