So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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