having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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