This girl is more easily done than said...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
