I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
