the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
