Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
