Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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