just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
