He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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