I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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