You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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