This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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