Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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