I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
