New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
