dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize