All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
