Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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