eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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