Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
