Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Let's paint friendship bongs
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
