wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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